is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
