Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
please come you make the beer taste better
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
