I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
if i died would you start the facebook group?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
