There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
