I want you more than these girls want KFC
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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