theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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