That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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