The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
