she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
