I accidentally had phone sex last night
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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