first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
