who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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