It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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