Well apparently he's into motor boating.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
