I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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