he puts the penis in happiness.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
