I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
