Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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