Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
