I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
