And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
