Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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