Ambien. No doubt about it.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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