believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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