I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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