well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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