i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
