i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
