your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
