I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
