today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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