thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So much rum. So many feels.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
