Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Randomize
