I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
