We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
