it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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