this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
