i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
