shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
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The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
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you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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