thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
