please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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