I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
