jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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