Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
