I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
