My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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