i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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