I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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