saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
