Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
