my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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