i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
