i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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