So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
