why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
