Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
