I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
