I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
