so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
