dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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