just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
