Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
