On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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