Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
