Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize