mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
